Instagram Has Made Me Hate Weddings, Now What?
Something I thought I wanted, now just looks cartoonish and sad.
I haven’t written an essay in a long time on Substack but as of last week I hit my breaking point on the weddings front so I experienced a desperate need to charge up my laptop and vent. This feels relevant to me, personally, because I imagine that I will be engaged soon. Inshallah.
It’s the summer which means that we are being inundated with wedding imagery. Maybe it’s not we. It could be just ME. Who knows how the algorithm is working for you. But just in the last two months I’ve seen nuptials from Dua Lipa, Taylor Swift, Tommy Paul and Paige Lorenze, that other football player that had Taylor Swift at his wedding and that’s not even counting any of the “real” people that I know who have gotten married. Although, if you are a woman of a certain age, this is probably just considered a routine eight weeks, not any cause for alarm.
The wedding hamster wheel began churning for me around age 27 when my first friends became teenage brides and it’s been spinning ever since. I was obsessed back then, sobbing at every single speech and father daughter dance. I probably can make you an entire collage of photos of me crying at weddings and I was grateful to do it. I am blessed to be in the building any time my friends get married and their fancy parents pay for it. And because I feel compelled to emphasize that I am not a hater, let it be known that I genuinely love weddings. Well, I really love any party but there’s something about an inter-generational get down that I really vibe with. Like yes, it is very cool to have your grandma in the club. It’s one of the only times you can drink and dance and openly weep with absolutely everyone you know. Every wedding I have ever been to is so much fun. And because I just loved them so much, I often developed elaborate fantasies about what I would do for MY wedding. I wanted to be ready when it was my turn. So much so that I asked Miguel to sing at my wedding when I took my boss’ seat and was seated next to him at a fashion show. He asked me when I was getting married and I was 27 and in a situationship so I was honest and told him I wasn’t. I was just getting prepared. He said he had never heard anything like that before. Complimentary. I think. Miguel’s appearance is still pending but even without his confirmation, I started a little vendor blackbook whenever I would attend a wedding and liked something: a venue, a tent, the food. Anytime I went to a good event, wedding or not, I filed something away that I just assumed that I would use later but now that I am in a relationship, and my own engagement is on the horizon, I am questioning whether I will ever use any of that at all. I am questioning if I even want it.
