Highly Recommended Is Back From Hiatus!
I solemnly swear not to disappear again. (Unless I get overwhelmed)
Highly Recommended is officially back from hiatus. Did you miss me? I missed being on Substack, like a lot! But truthfully, and this is pretty much my fatal flaw, I overextended myself. This should be a shock to absolutely no one but as a first born daughter and Leo, I still struggle with finding that elusive work life balance. I had a draft of my novel due at the beginning of the year so my last letter went out in December. I also had to move and I did so, not once, not twice, but three times which is super hard for me especially because I have SO. MUCH. STUFF. Some of the reasoning for the move was painstakingly detailed here. TLDR: I moved us into a creepy private equity residential prison and it was just as awful as it sounds. Then, we moved into a temporary space, on the coldest day of the year on record in Wisconsin since 1996 by the way, and lived there until we moved again into our now permanent space. Hellish. In that time, I also worked on two stories, one forthcoming to Spread the Jelly and the other for The Guardian which you can read here. I am also still writing my monthly Marie Claire styling column.
So all of that to say, I had to let something go and sadly it was this newsletter. I paused paid subscriptions for anyone who pays weekly so I hope you noticed that because I never want to be the kind of person who is getting a payday and not doing anything (internalized toxic capitalism really speaks loudly here). They will turn back on June 1st. If you paid yearly, I’m sorry! I’m back, I promise. And if you are rich and didn’t notice anything, well, amazing! Tell a rich friend to subscribe too. I’m not above solicitation.
Now that things have calmed down for me and I have an almost finished book, I wanted to make my return to y’all and chat about some things. Here are the HIGH LIGHTS, which is maybe a cute name for something that we can do regularly, though I hope to never be gone for this long again. It’s my desire to really make this newsletter work and not just because I am super scared of living in Trump’s America as a creative girlie, but that reason is up there for sure. It’s because I really want to be able to have a place where I am talking about the things I love and share about my life in a way that feels good. I really am inspired by what so many women have built on Substack and I think that though opportunities for writers (and certainly DEI consultants) are shrinking, this can still be a viable outlet for media. Anyway, thank you for sticking around and I hope that you like it here. Now onto the HIGH LIGHTS:
The one year anniversary of my fibroid removal came and went in April. I am so happy to report that the surgery was successful and I am feeling better than ever. I have lost a lot of weight but I don’t have a scale so I am not sure how much. It’s not about the weight but that was a physical indicator that I used to tell many doctors that something was wrong with me, one that they pretty swiftly dismissed. My energy levels are better, but I wouldn’t say that I feel exactly like I used to before. The other thing is, now we can start trying for a baby, which I have no idea if I am going to do yet but more on that after I go to the gyno and see if she will make me take out my IUD because at present, it’s six years old but still working, thank God.
Ryan and I are in couples counseling which he likes to refer to as “premarital counseling” because I think it makes him feel better. You know men. I’m bringing this up because we are learning a lot of new things about ourselves and each other and I generally believe that if you have the right clinician, it is a great thing to do and we are very fortunate to be able to do it. We went to the Bahamas which was GREAT and we came back not engaged. Go figure! That’s ok. There are worse places to work on a book.
I went to NYC to see my sister for her birthday and we have not been together in person since Christmas. I hateeeee the long distance relationship that I have with my family. It would be my dream for us all to live on the same common compound and drive to see one another in golf carts. I want the weekly hangs that we used to have when we all lived in New York but that’s just not possible when everyone is a connecting flight away now. We had a really lovely time and we went to Bar Bianchi for dinner which was startlingly underwhelming and marred by shrink-flation. If you’re looking for miniature portions of pasta and maybe contracting Hantavirus from the rats in the park 6ft away, it is the place for you. You know it’s bad when the recovering anorexic leaves dinner hungry.
In our move I have been spending a ton of time shopping on Facebook Marketplace. It is maybe the only thing left that Facebook is good for. This is an exciting development because it means that I have finally kicked my reliance on big box shopping! I developed a mild addiction to Home Goods when I first moved here because I had access to a car for the first time and a very persistent depression. But now, I look to my neighbors to source me all kinds of cool and unique things and I still use the car. Fantastic. Though, I will admit, being on Facebook in Wisconsin has definitely exposed me to some things. See here:
Now that I no longer feel depressed, I am trying in earnest to community-build and make friends here. I am lonely!!!! I mean I need girls and gays. If that is you in Milwaukee, let me know. I mean it’s so bad that my next book is about female friendship because it is so important to me and I miss it so much. To that end, our new building is hosting a happy hour for all of the residents here and I am going! I can’t wait to meet everyone. It is really hard to move to a brand new place where most people know one another and you don’t. I have also made plans with a girlfriend this week so we’re doing it!
Speaking of, earlier in the month Ryan and I were invited to a Kentucky Derby party. As a horse person, I do not like racing and to me, the Derby feels very Republican coded but I said: no Danielle, you need to go. You’re invited! Make an effort! So an effort was made. Unfortunately, by the end of the evening, an overserved woman put her hands in my hair and asked me if it was a weave. I honestly, froze. It had been so long since I had dealt with something like that and it took me by surprise. I guess it shouldn’t have but, still, I didn’t know exactly what I should do. To give some further context, it was the mother of my friend. Had it been a peer, I think I definitely would have had a different reaction but I am still not sure how to handle it right now. Ryan and I left shortly after this incident. But less about that and more about my outfit! I got this cutie little bag which I wish I would have carried from The Vin Store which you need to see anyway.
So now that you’re all caught up in my life, it’s time for the recommendations.
Highly Recommend:
My New Towels Are A Recession Indicator But They Are Fab: I pride myself on making my home feel like the fanciest hotel I can which means that I put a lot of thought into our linens. We now have three bathrooms (technically 2.5) and so the distribution of our towels is stretched somewhat thin. Each full bathroom has two towel racks and the half bath has one so I had to get some new towels. Now, currently we are working with towels from both Missoni and Frette but y’all, times are not like they used to be. I could not conceivably sit here at my computer and press submit on an order of towels that was…that high. I went in search of more “affordable” towels and honestly, I didn’t even know where to look. We have a lot of big box stores here but I am still boycotting Target and it’s not like you go from Frette to Kohls so I was a bit lost. Thankfully, Aimee Song posted an Instagram story about how she loves this home brand, Hommey for towels specifically and I went to dO mY oWn rEsEaRcH and discovered that they are made of 100% cotton, chemical free and most importantly, had bath sheets on sale for two for $72. Check, check and check! They are now on super sale and the same ones are only $54 for two. I don’t like regular sized towels by the way. I want my towel to feel like I am putting on a black tie gown when I get out of the shower and so the standard towel size is never for me. I ordered these bad boys and I have no regrets! Highly, highly recommend.
The US Has A New Lease On Weed: In case you haven’t heard, cannabis has quietly been declassified as a “dangerous drug”. What’s more accurate to say is that it has been reclassified by the Department of Justice as a “less dangerous drug” so instead of being up there with fentanyl and heroin, it is down there with Tylenol containing codeine. There is a lot of very specific information that can be found here and if you’re interested, you should read it. The thing to note is that the order went into effect immediately and does a lot of work toward helping frame the public’s opinion on cannabis in general and also helps the government tax everything but billionaires into oblivion.
I’m Letting TikTok Do My Dosing: Don’t kill me y’all because I am not going MAHA but I am volunteering myself as tribute to experiment with the viral OTC allergy drug combination that women are swearing by. If you search TikTok right now, you’ll find hundreds of testimonial videos where women are praising Allegra and Pepcid AC for curing everything from perimenopausal symptoms to fatigue, brain fog and inability to focus. I feel like I have some combination of all of those at any given time. My old faithful antidepressant, Wellbutrin, stopped working for me over the summer and I was reluctant to get on a different kind of drug only because after talking it over with my doctor, the feelings of decreased libido (which for me is already quite low. Don’t judge me. I have fibroid trauma) really freaked me out. Additionally, I was also afraid that dulling some of my synapses would result in a less than stellar novel and we are kind of at make or break point in the book career so I did not want to take the risk. Instead, I raw dogged winter here with my happy lamp and shake plate (more on that later) but I know that I am not myself if that makes sense. So I am looking for something a bit less intense than pharmaceuticals and this seems like a viable option. And yes, I could go back to the doctor and try something the traditional route but I have found a ton of success when exploring alternative medicine options. I guess I also need to make it clear that I believe in medicine and science and despite the awful things that happened to me with fibroids, I still have faith in doctors. But like I said about the towels, going to the doctor costs me money every time and then I also have to pay for the medication. I’m paying insane amounts for insurance as it is and also for therapy so…something has got to give. Maybe we’re all suffering from chronic allergies or inflammation or both but I am submitting myself to testing to see if this works for me and I will report back.
Zoe Kravitz Caught Another One: I already told you guys months ago that she was the one to watch. She’s now engaged…again…to Harry Styles. I’m happy for them! Make a mistake, rebound and make that same mistake again! I honestly love it. Why not! Life has endless possibilities when you are very rich.
Required Reading You Might Have Missed: This story from Kiese Laymon in Vanity Fair and this one from Patrick Radden Keefe in the New Yorker. Kiese is one of the best writers in the world. His memoir Heavy made me want to name my unborn child Kiese. I talked about it so much in therapy in 2018 that my therapist was like: Danielle, we have to talk about your life but why do that when I could talk about his. And PRK’s wild ride (pun intended) expose into insurance fraud in New Orleans justifies what I was saying for years there as a resident, which is: Your Honor was a documentary.
Do Not Recommend:
Alex vs Alix And The Feud That Never Was: For exactly one week, they were subbing each other on socials until Cooper stepped up and called Earle’s bluff and a bluff it was because nothing at all materialized. All that hype and literally nothing happened. This is why I stick to Bravo because all these influencer girlies really do is let you down. They are impossible to root for. Boring! Don’t recommend engaging with them at all.
They Not Like Us But They’ll Die Trying To Be: Did you guys know that there’s a browning peptide out there? Now it does seem hypocritical that I am going to jump into criticizing peptides after admitting that TikTok has successfully convinced me to run an unauthorized experiment on my BRAIN but listen, things are getting weird around here. Apparently there is a peptide that helps melanin deficient people infuse themselves in order to produce melanin and therefore they become “tan”. I hate this whole thing as I’ve always hated tanning beds, the concept of sun-bathing and the spray tan industrial complex. Read more about this in my memoir, Token Black Girl. But honestly, of course the Ozempification of life has made this possible. Suddenly, no one has a fear of needles anymore. You are always just one to five milligram away from looking like your dream self…and as it happens, your dream self has almost all of the physical qualities of a Black woman. Go figure.
Swiper, No Swiping: Bumble recently announced that they are doing away with swiping and replacing it with some sort of AI companion bot who will aid users on their road to find love. HATE! Listen, I have a personal attachment to Bumble. It was a great dating app for me when I was single and it is the one that I met Ryan on but now the world is so dystopian and bleak that everyone is disenchanted with dating apps that we have no other way to search for partnership and we’re fucked. I definitely don’t think that calling in robot reinforcements is the answer though. It’s been almost three years since I have been swiping so I am open to being wrong but what do the single girlies think about this?
That’s all for now. Next week I’ll have some targeted newsletters about books, clothes and more wellness stuff. Happy to be back! Lastly, The Rules of Fortune is on sale for the month of May in an exclusive Kindle deal, please get it!
xD
So happy to have you back! Selfishly I'm so curious about this OTC allergy combo...
Welcome back! I sure was checking from time to time to see if I was still subscribed but I totally get life happens. All that moving is a lot.
Best of the luck with the combo experiment! I’m currently down the magnesium rabbit hole.